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Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive to defend a right point of view or a relevant statement. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a skill that can be learned and a mode of communication. Dorland's Medical Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
Assertiveness is a communication skill that can be taught and the skills of assertive communication effectively learned.
Assertiveness is a method of critical thinking, where an individual speaks up in defense of their views or in light of erroneous information. Additionally, assertive people are capable of being outspoken and analyze information and point out areas of information lacking substance, details or evidence. Thus, it can be noted that assertiveness supports creative thinking and effective communication.
However, during the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out as a behavioral skill taught by many personal development experts, behavior therapists, and cognitive behavioral therapists. But now assertiveness is often linked to self-esteem. The term and concept was popularized to the general public by books such as Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior (1970) by Robert Eating.
As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both aggression and passivity. How people deal with personal boundaries, including their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators are not likely to try to influence anyone else because they fear social conflict. Because of this fear, passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries or ideas, and thus allow aggressive people to abuse or manipulate them. Additionally, they often hold in negative feelings such as anger because they allow this domination to happen. Aggressive people do not respect the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others by influencing them through personal attacks often taking the form of embarrassment. A person communicates assertively by clearly stating their thoughts and/or feelings in a nonaggressive manner, often in an effort to influence others; doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of the other person, or people, involved and avoids negative confrontation. Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive people.
According to the textbook Cognitive Behavior Therapy (2008), "Assertive communication of personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive responses".William T. O'Donohue/Jane E. Fisher eds., Cognitive Behavior Therapy (2008) Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but in a way that will not spiral into aggression".Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (London 1996) p. 266
An individual may employ an assertive communication if others' actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent escalation. Facing Co-dependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller, and J. Keith Miller
In contrast, "aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences, stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries.
At the opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous indignation.
Assertive communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person".Paul Gilbert, Overcoming Depression (London 1998) p. 219 Aggressive and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end,Marsha M. Linehan (n.d.) From DBT as researched. Professor, Department of Psychology, Director, Behavioral Research & Therapy Clinics at the University of Washington and reduce self-respect.
A disadvantage with this technique is that when resistance continues, your requests may lose power every time you have to repeat them. If the requests are repeated too often, it can backfire on the authority of your words. In these cases, it is necessary to have some sanctions on hand.
In connection with gender theory, "Deborah Tannen argues that men and women would both benefit from learning to use the others' style. ... So, women would benefit from assertiveness training just as men might benefit from sensitivity training".
Regarding language revitalization and to avoid passive bilingualism phenomena, assertiveness has become a key discursive asset for speakers of minoritized languages. An example of this use is Mantinc el català, that aims to raise self-awareness in Catalan language speakers about the importance of not shifting unconsciously and at first glance to Spanish language in conversations with unknown people.
In the late 1970s and early 1980s, in the heyday of assertiveness training, some so-called assertiveness training techniques were distorted and "people were told to do some pretty obnoxious things in the name of assertiveness. Like blankly repeating some request over and over until you got your way".Mark Mark Eisenstadt, Freedom from Agoraphobia (2003) p. 203 Divorced from respect for the rights of others, so-called assertiveness techniques could be psychological tools that might be readily abused: The line between repeatedly demanding with sanctions ("broken record") versus coercive nagging, emotional blackmail, or bullying, could be a fine one, and the caricature of assertiveness training as "training in how to get your own way ... or how to become as aggressive as the next person"Sue Bishop, Develop Your Assertiveness (2006) p. 13 was perpetuated.
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