Excerpt: ...my fair form, so kiverd was I with dust
Bimeby I met Old Poodles, the all-firdist gambler in the country. He was afoot and in his shirt-sleeves, and was in a wuss larther nor any race hoss I ever saw. (All-fired, enormous, excessive, a low Americanism, not improbably a puritanical corruption of hell-fired, designed to have the virtue of an oath without offending polite ears.) Whither goist thow, sweet nimp? sez I, in a play-actin tone. To the mines, Sir, he unto me did say, to the mines, TO EARN AN HONEST LIVIN. Thinks I that air aint very cool, I guess, and druv on. 1.19. THE PRESS. I want the editers to cum to my Show free as the flours of May, but I don''t want um to ride a free hoss to deth. Thare is times when Patience seizes to be virtoous. I had in my mind''s eye, Hurrashio (cotashun from Hamlick) sum editers in a sertin town which shall be nameless, who air Both sneakin and ornery. They cum in krowds to my Show and then axt me ten sents a line for Puffs. I objectid to payin, but they sed ef I didn''t down with the dust thay''d wipe my Show from the face of the earth! Thay sed the Press was the Arkymedian Leaver which moved the wurld. I put up to their extorshuns until thay''d bled me so I was a meer shadder, and left in disgust. It was in a surtin town in Virginny, the Muther of Presidents & things, that I was shaimfully aboozed by a editor in human form. He set my Show up steep & kalled me the urbane & gentlemunly manajer, but when I, fur the purpuss of showin fair play all around, went to anuther offiss to git my hanbills printed, what duz this pussillanermus editer do but change his toon & abooze me like a Injun. He sed my wax wurks was a humbug & called me a horey-heded itinerent vagabone. I thort at fust Ide pollish him orf ar-lar the Beneshy Boy, but on reflectin that he cood pollish me much wuss in his paper, I giv it up. & I wood here take occashun to advise peple when thay run agin, as thay sumtimes...