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An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself (which is typically but not always commenced with a wedding). During this period, a couple is said to be fiancés (from ), "betrothed", "intended", "affianced", "engaged to be married", or simply "engaged". Future and may be called fiancée (feminine) or fiancé (masculine), "the betrothed", "wife-to-be" or "husband-to-be", respectively. The duration of the courtship varies vastly, and is largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved.
Long engagements were once common in formal arranged marriages, and it was not uncommon for parents betrothing children to arrange marriages many years before the engaged couple were old enough. This is still done in some countries.
Many traditional Christian denominations have optional rites for Christian betrothal (also known as "blessing an engaged couple" or "declaration of intention") that bless and ratify the intent of a couple to marry before God and the Christian Church.
This was later adopted in ancient Greece as the gamos and engeysis rituals, although unlike in Judaism, the contract made in front of witness was only verbal.Norman Bancroft Hunt, Living in Ancient Greece, Infobase Publishing, 2008, p. 44 The giving of a ring was eventually borrowed from Judaism by Roman marriage law, with the fiancé presenting it after swearing the oath of marriage intent, and presenting of the gifts at the engagement party.Philippe Ariès, Paul Veyne, eds., A History of Private Life: From pagan Rome to Byzantium, Harvard University Press, 1992, p. 467
Typical steps of a match were the following:
The exact duration of a betrothal varies according to culture and the participants’ needs and wishes. For adults, it may be anywhere from several hours (when the betrothal is incorporated into the wedding day itself) to a period of several years. A year and a day are common in neo-pagan groups today. In the case of child marriage, betrothal might last from infancy until the age of marriage.
The responsibilities and privileges of betrothal vary. In most cultures, the betrothed couple is expected to spend much time together, learning about each other. In some historical cultures (including colonial North America), the betrothal was essentially a trial marriage, with marriage only being required in cases of conception of a child. Almost all cultures are loosening restrictions against physical contact between partners, even in cultures that normally had strong prohibitions against it. The betrothal period was also considered to be a preparatory time, in which the groom built a house, started a business or otherwise proved his readiness to enter adult society.
In medieval Europe, in canon law, a betrothal could be formed by the exchange of in the future tense ("I will take you as my wife/husband", instead of "I take you as my wife/husband"), but sexual intercourse consummated the vows, making a binding marriage rather than a betrothal. Although these betrothals could be concluded with only the vows spoken by the couple, they had legal implications: Richard III of England had his older brother's children declared illegitimate on the grounds their father had been betrothed to another woman when he married their mother.
A betrothal is considered to be a "semi-binding" contract. Normal reasons for invalidation of a betrothal include:
Normally, either party can break a betrothal, though in certain traditions, a financial penalty (such as forfeit of the bride price) applies. In some common law countries, including England and Wales and many US states, it was once possible for the spurned partner (often only the woman) to sue the other for breach of promise or "heart-balm". This provided some protection in an age where virginity at marriage was considered important and having a failed engagement could damage one's reputation, but this tort has become obsolete in most jurisdictions as attitudes to premarital sex have softened and emphasis shifted to allowing people to leave loveless relationships.
The 2019 Book of Common Prayer, used by Anglican Christian denominations such as the Anglican Church in North America, includes a Christian rite of betrothal called "A Brief Liturgy for the Signing of the Declaration of Intention" in which a Christian couple ratifies their intention before God and the Church to marry. During this liturgy, the following is signed and dated by the engaged couple after the sign of peace:
Following the signing of the declaration of intention, the couple is blessed by the priest:
The Lutheran Churches, the Anglican Communion, the Methodist Churches and the Presbyterian Churches have questions and responses for family members in its Rite of Betrothal, which is sometimes incorporated into the Service of Holy Matrimony itself.
The first instance of the tradition of giving a ring for marriage in the Hebrew Bible is in , when a golden Nose-jewel (Chayei Sarah 24:22) was given by Eliezer of Damascus to Rebecca,Herczeg, Y.I.Z, The Torah: with Rashi's commentary, Vol.1, Mesorah Publications, New York, 2000, p. 253 with Saadiah Gaon also citing as a possible source of the practice in the phrase in be’nei tabbaot (children of the rings). The latter case refers to betrothal (see above) rather than engagement; one of the three ways in which betrothal may be effected in Judaism is by the husband giving the bride money or an object of at least nominal value. In fact, it is a long-standing practice within Judaism to contract the betrothal with a ring.
The practice of a marriage ring in Byzantine Empire date back to 3rd century CE.
Romantic rings from the time of the Roman Empire sometimes bore clasped hands symbolizing contract,Catherine Johns, The jewellery of Roman Britain: Celtic and classical traditions, Routledge, 1996, pp. 63–64 from which the later Claddagh ring symbol (two hands clasping a heart) may have evolved as a symbol of love and commitment between two people. Romans believed the circle was a bond between the two people who were to be married and signified eternity, but was first practiced on the Ring finger by the Roman Empire, who believed this finger to be the beginning of the vena amoris ("vein of love"), the vein that leads to the heart. In cultures with European origin, and many other countries, an engagement ring is worn following the practice of the Romans who "...wore the ring either on the right middle finger or the left ring 4th finger, from which, according to ancient Egyptian physicians, a nerve led directly to the heart." The custom in Continental Europe and other countries is to wear it on the right hand. One historical exception arose in monarchical regimes, in which a nobleman entering into morganatic marriage, a marriage in which the person, usually the woman, of lower rank stayed at the same rank instead of rising ranks, would present their left hand to receive the ring, hence the alternative term "marriage with the left hand" (Ger. Ehe zur linken Hand), the offspring of such marriages considered to be disinherited from birth.Marie Maclean, The name of the mother: writing illegitimacy, Routledge, 1994, p. 191
The modern Western form of the practice of giving or exchanging is traditionally thought to have begun in 1477 when Maximilian I, Holy Roman Emperor, gave Mary of Burgundy a diamond ring as an engagement present.Michael R Collings, Gemlore: An Introduction to Precious and Semi-Precious Stones, Wildside Press LLC, 2009, p. 50
In other countries like Argentina, men and women each wear a ring similar to wedding bands. They are made of silver (" alianza de plata") when manifesting an informal "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship, though this first step might not always happen; howbeit depending on finances, this may be the only ring given at all. The gold band (" anillo de compromiso" or " alianza de oro") is given to the bride when the commitment is formal and the optional diamond ring (" cintillo") is reserved for the wedding ceremony when the groom gives it to the bride. The gold band that the groom wore during the engagement – or a new one, as some men choose not to wear them during engagement – is then given to the groom by the bride; and the bride receives both the original gold band and the new diamond at the ceremony. The bride's diamond ring is worn on top of the engagement band at the wedding and thereafter, especially at formal occasions or parties; otherwise the engagement band suffices for daily wear for both parties. At the wedding, the rings are swapped from the right to the left hand. In Brazil, they are always made of gold, and there is no tradition for the engagement ring. Both men and women wear the wedding band on their right hand while engaged, and, after they marry, they shift the rings to their left hands.
In the modern era, some women's wedding rings are made into two separate pieces. One part is given to her to wear as an engagement ring when she accepts the marriage proposal and the other during the wedding ceremony. When worn together, the two rings look like one piece of jewelry. The engagement ring is not worn during the wedding ceremony, when the wedding ring is put by the groom on the finger of the bride, and sometimes by the bride onto the groom's finger. After the wedding, the engagement ring is put back on, and is usually worn on the outside of the wedding ring. The most failed engagement
In ancient Greece, engagement parties were held without the bride and took place to discuss the legal and economic aspects of the marriage. Later, engagement parties were when both sides announced a legal union prior to marriage where if one side broke the agreement they would have to pay the wronged side. Engagements became non-legally binding and by the early 20th century some couples would announce their engagement in the local paper.
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